*sighs* How to begin this…
“Why have flashbacks and nightmares when you can have it in reality”
“My intuition told me that I was making a loaded choice, didn’t think it would be like THAT”
“Working through my past and I see it in the flesh 15 feet away”
Hmm… anyways, I’ll do the detached version…
Erin’s been sick for 5 or so days, what was kicked off by some icecream (the oils in it didn’t agree with her), then turned into a stomach flu because her system was already stressed, which both myself and mom catched.
We’ve been working at getting her better, lots of fluids and rest, cuddling… But we got sick after her and we were better before she started to… anyways, I started to get concerned.
Mom was checking out tips on the net, when I just got fed up with the “maybe we should do this, or this, or this, or this” stuff, and started packing for a trip to the hospital.
I got hit by a note from my intuition – this was a loaded choice.
I thought maybe Erin was REALLY sick, or that family services would give me hassles…
So we have Erin packed up, heading over to the hospital. When we got there, I got to stand in line and mom sat off to the side entertaining Erin. She whispered something to me that I didn’t catch.
Then I understood, and noted where she was nodding towards.
Brad. The man who made my life a living hell and fucked up my mind was standing 15 feet away. With a girlfriend and someone who was obviously her mother in a wheelchair.
He looked up at me. I glared at him and stared him down. He whispered to his girlfriend and they walked off towards the bathroom / elevator. Only she walked back. He didn’t appear again.
Once Erin was admitted I walked by someone I seemed to recognise, but couldn’t place. I THINK it was his mother, but I can’t place her face.
The rest was just waiting endlessly for a doctor to come in, check her, disappear, another doctor to come in, check her, disappear for a shorter while, reappear with another doctor, check her, and discharge her.
Mkay, that’s the unemotional side.
WHAT THE FUCK!?
OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO SHOW UP IN MY LIFE, AT THIS TIME, WITH MY BABY GIRL AROUND, HE’S THE FUCKING LAST ONE I’D EVER WANT TO SEE!
HE’S A CONVICTED CHILD FUCKER, A MANIPULATOR OF THE WORST KIND. HE NEARLY KILLED ME PHYSICALLY, NEARLY KILLED ME MENTALLY, NEARLY KILLED MY SPIRIT. AND NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM!
I REPORTED WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COPS, AND THEY CALL ME A “FUCKING SLUT”, SAYING THAT I LIKED IT, IT WAS MY CHOICE, THAT I WAS SAYING IT BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT MY MOM.
OH YES, I ADORED BEING FUCKED ON THE STAIRS WITH NO FOREPLAY BY SOMETHING THE SAME SIZE AS MY WRIST.
I ADORED BLEEDING THE FIRST 7 TIMES I HAD SEX, EACH TIME WITHOUT FOREPLAY OR ANY PLEASURE. MY SISTER WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING (BUT NOT HIM) AND NEARLY DIED FROM AN INFECTION IN HER BLOOD.
I ADORED SEEING MY CAT RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A BALLOON TIED TO HIS TAIL, SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND TO THE POINT HE PISSED HIMSELF AND PASSED OUT.
I ADORED KNOWING BRAD WAS TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS AND LAUGHING ABOUT ME.
I ADORED BEING HIS TOY THAT HE’D IDLY TWIST AND TURN INTO EMOTIONAL CONTORTIONS AS HE SAW FIT.
I ADORED HEARING ABOUT WHAT HE’D DO TO MY FRIENDS GIVEN THE CHANCE.
*grabs a pillow and screams into it*